Magnifying the Power of Positive Reinforcement v2

The Power of Reinforcement is clearly explained in the last blog post, "The Power of Positive Reinforcement", but to intensify that power and increase the likelihood that desired behaviors are repeated, we need to avoid:

• Reinforcing the Wrong Thing

• Generalized Praise

• False Praise

• Over-used Praise

Reinforcing the Wrong Thing

Basics around behavior modification tell us that the behaviors that are reinforced are the ones repeated. Reinforcement is a very powerful tool that, when employed wisely, can have great impact on the development and psyche of an individual. Conversely, as such a powerful tool, when misused, reinforcement can also have a marked negative impact.

When attempting to modify a behavior we have to make sure that we are reinforcing the right thing. For example, a young student is struggling with learning to read. So, every time this content is approached in the classroom, the student begins to get fidgety, talk without permission, take actions that are distracting for others in the classroom, and make choices that force the teacher to take action. Some teachers will send the student out of the classroom, to a cool down spot, to a time out spot, or simply to the front office. Sometimes, disruptive students are even sent home. So, the student gets out of doing what he/she perceives as difficult, leaves the classroom, and does not receive the quality reading instruction in the classroom. Therefore, causing the student to miss out on the very assistance and support that will help improve reading skills and behavior choices. While the teacher may have been trying to give consequences to the student making poor choices in effort to teach more appropriate classroom behaviors and to preserve the sanctity of the learning environment, this is not what occurs. In this case, the student's misbehavior is actually what is being reinforced. The student is struggling academically and does not want to be in the classroom; the misbehavior causes him to be removed from the classroom. Therefore, whenever the student does not want to work on what is difficult, he/she acts out in ways that will result in removal. Removing this student from the classroom to a place where quality instruction is not occurring actually reinforces the negative behaviors. After all, those behaviors got the student what he/she wanted. So, what do you think the student will do next time? Certainly not persevere, but instead act out, to get out of doing what he/she does not want to do.

Other examples:

• We punish a child for hitting another child by spanking. So, the child learns children can't hit but adults can, or it's okay to hit sometimes.

• We give consequences to a youth who is using the scissors to cut his clothes by removing him from Art center for a week. So, the youth learns that Art as a broader discipline is not important (for the reading, writing, and math centers would rarely be restricted for a week). Moreover, he/she does not have the opportunity to explore other art forms, media, or ways it brings joy and does not learn the proper use of scissors.

• We scold a youngster for not picking up his/her toys by throwing the toys around the room and yelling. So the youngster learns that this is how toys are treated or that this is how anger is processed.

• A toddler throws a tantrum because he/she doesn't want to go to a certain location, and we end up not going. So the toddler learns that throwing a tantrum gets him/her what is wanted.

• We respond to a teenager's snide remark with anger, sarcasm, or an equally inflammatory retort. The teenager learns this kind of communicate is okay when frustrated, angry, or hurt, and the discussion usually escalates rather than de-escalates.

• We respond to our significant other that, "nothing is wrong" when asked; but then later complain that things are not discussed. The dichotomy and resulting confusion only hamper future communication and actually reinforce the significant other to not inquire about things in the future because it ultimately causes so much strife. A slightly different response, such as, "Yeah, maybe. We probably need to talk later." is more likely to reinforce the desired behavior - the inquiry and underlying feelings of caring, and increases the likelihood that it will be repeated in the future.

Mixed messages we send sometimes.

Reinforcing the wrong thing is easier to do than one might believe. This is a very common topic when I am working with teams of educators who are trying to create a plan for a specific student to see more success either academically or behaviorally. We set goals and build in consequences as well as rewards, but follow up questions always asked are:

• What exactly is being reinforced with this reward? What message are we sending with this action?

• Are we actually reinforcing the specific behavior we want repeated?

I ask the same questions at home as we strive to parent our children well.

False praise or generalized praise, when over-used, are ultimately detrimental as well. False praise is giving accolades when the receivers know they didn't really earn them. It really has no meaning or power.

It's futile to tell youngsters that they did a great job when they are personally lamenting not reaching the goal they had set; they know they didn't accomplish it. They are upset for not reaching their own goal. They don't feel good about it; they are disappointed, frustrated, or just plain sad. So, hearing others say they did great does not suffice, it goes in one ear and out the other, and most importantly, it robs them of the growth opportunities presented by obstacles and disappointments. Instead, we should dig deeper and help them to work through it. Of course, at first console and empathize; then outline what specifically went well, own it, and celebrate it. Also, discuss what could be done differently next time to yield the desired result. Encourage them to translate the disappointment and frustration to motivation. By doing this, we are teaching them how to cope with disappointment, frustration, and perceived failure throughout their lives and how to overcome them. We are teaching resilience and hope. Vital traits of future leaders.

The valuable praise that people hold onto is the praise that they know is earned. When the sports coach gives out praise on a limited basis but specific and sincere, student athletes know it truly has to be earned; they listen for it and hang onto it, remember it and feel good about earning it. They hungrily want more and will strive to perform in a way that will earn it again.

Some kids actually despise false praise; they simply won't accept praise that they do not think they've earned. In my house, it is not appreciated when praise is given when he/she does not feel deserved; they perceive it as absolutely false, and it's infuriating. I cannot tell my kids they performed well when they got a B on an assignment; they flat out do not believe me. "If it was that good Mom, I'd have gotten an A." It only causes anger when praise is given after a sports match or musical competition if the team lost the game or if a top notch musical evaluation wasn't received. They know it wasn't as good as it could have been or to the level they wanted it to be. I cannot change their emotional reaction, but I can help them deal with those feelings constructively and use obstacles as learning opportunities, more essential traits for the leaders we need in the future.

We encourage them to accept credit for the things done well while at the same time identify what could have been done differently or should be done differently next time: You did very thorough research and had a lot to say; your end product was colorful and neat, but perhaps if we had started earlier we could have had more time to proofread with more detail or done the project in pencil before marker to ensure good spacing and alignment. We try to dissect the events: What went well? Let's own it, be proud of it, celebrate it, and try to replicate it. What could have been better? What could have been done differently? Let's make plans to improve in those ways.

Examples of generalized praise are "Good job!" or "Way to go!" with no attachment to a specific action. There are times this is appropriate, but overused, it's ineffective. The receiver really does not know what exact behavior earned the praise. We have to tell them explicitly what was done well in order for the specific behavior to be repeated.

• To a toddler, "I like how you are coloring on the paper." While this may feel juvenile to say, for someone of this age, it is perfectly logical. Last time, he/she got the crayons taken away for coloring on the table; this time he/she received kind words and a smile or pat on the back. It was a positive reward. The toddler knows exactly what behavior earned the praise, no question: He/she was coloring on the paper. So which behavior is more likely to be repeated?

• To a youth, "Thank you for hanging up your coat." Again, it may seem a minor thing to praise, something that should be done anyway, but this is an ongoing battle-to hang up the coat (or some other menial chore), and he/she actually did it. Usually, there is argument, nagging, or at least a firm reminder; this time, there was praise. It felt good. The youth knows exactly what caused the positive change: hanging up the coat. So is the behavior more likely to be repeated?

• To a teenager, "I appreciate you being on time tonight." Absolutely, a standard expectation and should always be met, but does that mean the effort should taken for granted? There probably have been at least some occasions where there was tardiness on curfew, and those times often result in a harsher exchange of words upon arrival and a less enjoyable conversation afterwards. This time, there was praise and the discussion that followed was more open and friendly. Because it was not: "Hi, you're home. How was your night?"; it was: "I appreciate you being on time. Thanks! How was your night?"; the teenager can feel noticed, valued, and appreciated for the effort. Furthermore, they know precisely why: Curfew was maintained. So is it more likely the desired behavior will be repeated?

• To a significant other, "Thanks for calling to tell me you are going to be late tonight." Some times there is a call, and some times there isn't; sometimes it's a big deal, and sometimes it's not. Regardless, he/she did call this time, and it is noticed and appreciated; so why not thank him/her? If this behavior is preferred, it should be praised when displayed. When it's made clear what specific behavior is appreciated, it is more likely to happen again in the future.

If people are left to figure out for themselves what they did today to earn that praise, they may very easily come to the wrong conclusion and replicate the wrong behavior or just ignore the praise because the had no idea what to attach it. Thus, the praise is worthless.

Furthermore, when we over-praise people become immune to it. When we praise every little thing being done, it becomes meaningless; they've heard the praise so many times that it loses its power. Giving praise for every action taken, whether deserved or not, removes the powerful impact it can have. A child given candy or time on electronics every day doesn't see it as a reward but as an entitlement. When praise is given too lavishly and when not really earned, the lesson is distorted.

Reinforcement and praise are powerful tools, but only when used appropriately. They become absolutely benign when over used or misused.

The goals of positive reinforcement are to reinforce specific behaviors for replication and to facilitate strong feelings of self worth in the individual receiving it. Adaptive Behavior Analysis, methods used to modify behavior, focuses on specific praise immediately following the action taken to deserve it. This eliminates the fallacies inherent to generalized praise as well as false and lavish praise. When the praise is not specific or is not truly earned, then the goal: repeating a desired behavior, has a lower likelihood of being accomplished. This is true for all ages of humans in all environments, at home, at school, or in the workplace.

Personally, I have to admit I am guilty of some of the things discussed above. I am certainly not perfect. I understand and empathize with heat of the moment, utter frustration, or sheer anger. I have Irish triplets, and we’ve survived some pretty scary times. I certainly have made my share of mistakes and done or said things I wish I hadn't. But thanks to my background and my commitment to objective reflection and life long learning, I am pretty confident in my intuition with youngsters and my knowledge surrounding motivation and how people learn. So, I strive for what my head and gut say is right; I work to do the right thing every day. (See blog series titles, "Am I doing the right thing?") But because I am human and have to continually focus on responding, not reacting everyday (see blog post titled, "Responding v. Reacting"), all I can do is commit to doing my best, following through each day, and learning from the days when I mistakenly don't. For my goal remains to nurture our youth - raise, educate, support, prepare them - to be the best they can be for themselves, this world, and the future.

So let us all dedicate ourselves to looking for opportunities to give positive reinforcement that is specific and genuine. Let us strive to change the lives and attitudes of our youth, our families, and our co-workers. Let us start a movement to change the world.