Realistic expectations facilitate growth and confidence.
When we expect ourselves or others to be perfect, we are breeding failure, disappointment, and negative self-perceptions. It may be possible to be "perfect" at times, but it is impossible to sustain it long term. Refer to the ying and the yang, the bell curve, or simple probability, regardless, perfection is not a state of being or a way of life. Rather, it is a fleeting experience for some and a dream for others. It is unrealistic, foolish, and detrimental to expect perfection from us or others.
If we can abandon "perfection", and focus on realistic expectations and goals, we are much more likely to achieve them, experience success, feel pleasure, and contribute to positive self-images.
Definitions of the word realistic include:
able to see things as they really are and to deal with them in a practical way.
based on what is real rather than on what is wanted or hoped for.
So, if we see things as they really are and focus on what is real rather than on what is wanted or hoped for, then we are being realistic and practical. In parenting, in leadership, in familial relationships, and in friendships, it behooves us to set realistic expectations for ourselves and for others. Forget how you want things to be and concentrate on how they are and what you can achieve.
Look at the two paths drawn in this graphic. One is straight, boring, and unrealistic. Only in an imaginary, "perfect" world can the path from setting a goal to achieving it be so uneventful, straight forward, and simple. Furthermore, if humans were able to sustain perfection, there would be little learning or growth - achieving perfection actually contributes to stagnation. Now, notice the second pathway illustrated and consider all of the stops on it. Each one is integral to the learning process, and without the ups, downs, and curves of this path, there is no growth. It is only through adversity, strife, and failure that we experience growth. So, perfection would not only be boring, but also stifling!
Realistic goals reflect reasonableness. Goals are meant to be lofty, but that does not mean unattainable. Set goals that are possible to achieve. An adult who has never jogged a day in his/her life is not going to set their first goal to run 5 miles in under 30 minutes. The first goal may be to jog one lap around the track every day for a week. Still challenging, but not so difficult to reach that it is absurd and abandoned.
Our expectations of ourselves and others are typically high as well, as they should be if we are lifelong learners who desire ongoing growth, but again, that does not mean unobtainable or unreachable. We would not expect a 2-year-old to demonstrate the maturity of a 5-year-old by attending kindergarten all day, and it would be ridiculous to punish this 2-year-old for not being able to meet that expectation. We cannot expect a teenager to expertly navigate relationships when he/she has little to no experience doing so, and we certainly wouldn't belittle him/her for making some errors along the way.
Realistic goals and expectations embrace the learning process and the cumbersome path it creates. Perseverance, tenacity, and resilience are inherent to any realistic goal or expectation. These aspirations should be challenging, require great effort, and assume some obstacles. To be realistic is not to be easy, laid back, or freehanded; to be realistic is to be arduous and rigorous, perhaps even grueling and herculean - but always achievable.
Realistic means possible. Realistic goals and expectations are attainable and achievable; they are not impossible. Perfection is impossible, realism allows us to become aware of our potential or the potential housed in others.
Realistic expectations and goals that reflect a balance of pressure to learn and grow with support and assistance foster success, achievement, growth, and confidence.
Choose to BE REAL!
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